Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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