We won't sleep together?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
