party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize