Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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