just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
