i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
