you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
