I think I died a long time ago.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize