I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
