Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize