Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
