I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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