Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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