His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
