i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize