It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
