cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
