Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize