look no pants
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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