Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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