I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
