I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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