I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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