he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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