i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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