Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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