I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize