i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
