HIV tests are more positive than that guy
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
