Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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