Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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