I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize