Dual....:-)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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