I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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