apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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