At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize