if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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