it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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