i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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