And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I intend to get homeless drunk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
