were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He better not be in your backpack
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
