Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
