the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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