Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
