i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
