My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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