dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
