So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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