I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
