what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
