Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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