I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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