Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
