Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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