My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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