when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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