He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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