...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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