in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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