The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
