I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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