I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
