i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
