remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
