Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize